On birthdays, milestones, and deciding that every single one counts

By Cheryl Garcia Co-Founder, Midlife Secret Society

It's my birthday.

And before you keep reading — yes, I am one of those people. The ones who love birthdays. Mine, yours, theirs. All of them.

I know that's not everyone's thing, and that's completely okay. But for me? Birthdays have always felt like a reason to pause and say — hey, you made it another year. That actually means something.

The celebration doesn't have to be big. It just has to happen.

Some of my favorite birthdays have been elaborate themed parties with all the people. Some have been a quiet dinner and a really good conversation. Some have been nothing more than a group text from every corner of my life landing in my phone at the same time — and somehow that felt like everything.

I've gone through phases. The themed birthday era. The winery brunch era. The "I just want to be alone and order takeout" era. The "surprise me" era.

But the one thing that's stayed the same through all of it? I want it acknowledged. I want it celebrated. Big or small doesn't matter. What matters is that it doesn't just pass by unmarked like any other Tuesday.

I used to be really good at doing this for other people too. I remembered birthdays. I sent the texts and the cards and showed up at the right moment. Facebook's birthday notifications were genuinely one of the best things the internet ever invented — and I will never forgive them for burying that feature.

But somewhere along the way, the energy started to fade.

Not the desire. The desire is still completely there. It's the energy to actually do anything about it that started slipping.

I noticed it most on the years that didn't end in a 5 or a 0. The "big ones" — I could always rally for those. Thirty. Thirty-five. Forty. Forty-five. Those felt important. Those felt worth marking.

But the years in between? They started blurring together a little. Not in a sad way. Just in a busy, where did that year go kind of way.

So I made a decision.

From here on out — I am 45 until I am 50.

Not literally, obviously. I know how calendars work. But in terms of how I'm treating each birthday from here to my next milestone? Every single year gets the milestone treatment. Because here's the thing I've come to believe:

Every year is a milestone.

Every year you lived something. You navigated something hard, found something unexpected, laughed at something you didn't see coming, grew in ways you probably won't even notice until you look back. Every year deserves to be acknowledged for exactly what it was — another full year of living your life.

I've been nostalgic lately.

I don't know if it's midlife or empty nesting or having adult children or being three decades into a marriage or some combination of all of it. But lately I've been sitting with this quiet, warm feeling that sounds something like: man, I've had an amazing life. I've come through some stuff. I'm actually really proud of that.

It's not "I wish I could go back." It's more like "I'm genuinely glad I lived all of that."

But here's what I'm paying attention to: I don't want to get so cozy in the nostalgia that I stop looking forward. I don't want to be so busy honoring the life I've lived that I forget to keep building the one I'm in.

New memories don't make themselves. New adventures require a yes. New friendships — the real ones — require showing up somewhere you haven't been before.

So this year, I'm celebrating being 45 (+1).

Next year I'll be 45 (+2). You get the idea.

Every birthday between now and 50 gets treated like the milestone it actually is. Not because I'm avoiding the number — I'm genuinely fine with the number. But because I've decided that waiting for the years ending in 5 or 0 to feel like something worth celebrating is leaving a lot of good years unmarked.

And I have too many good years left to do that.

How do you celebrate your birthday? Are you a "big event" person, a "quiet dinner" person, or strictly a group text person? Drop it in the comments — I genuinely want to know.

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